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Can the Man
(@can-the-man)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 7172
Topic starter  

paddy englishman,paddy irishman ,and paddy china man out looking for work.
they came across a building site and the foreman offered them jobs.
'paddy englishman,you drive the j.c.b.,paddy irishman you look after the workers and paddy chinaman you can look after the supplies.i'll check on ye later'
later on the foreman came back to find paddy englishman and paddy irishman working away, but no sign of paddy chinaman.
'lads where's paddy chinaman?'
just then paddy chinaman jumps out from behind him and screams,

'SUPPLIES!!!!'  ?  ?  ? 

C t M


   
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Nottingham Red
(@nottingham-red)
Noble Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 1361
 

Never forget the day I lost my wife. It was one hell of a poker party ? 

Coyr


   
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(@derbyboy)
Prominent Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 998
 

Boss asks his Secretary for sex He says I will be very quick i will throw a £1000 on the floor and by the time you have picked it up I will be finished .She wasn't sure so she rang her boyfriend to ask what to do The boyfriend tell you will do it for £2000  Half an hour later the boyfriend rings her How did it go she says the bastard threw coins down and he's still having sex 


   
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Can the Man
(@can-the-man)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 7172
Topic starter  

Whenever your ex says ‘you’ll never find someone like me’ , the answer to that is ‘that’s the point’

C t M


   
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Can the Man
(@can-the-man)
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Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 7172
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I golfed with a hilarious 78 year old man, and he was dishing out life tips the whole time. The most DGAF guy I’ve ever met.

he tells me after the round “don’t talk to me in the car park, my wife’s picking me up and she thinks I went deaf 5 years ago.

Legend  ?  ?  ? 

C t M


   
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Helen42
(@helen42)
Prominent Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 785
 
Posted by: Can the Man

Whenever your ex says ‘you’ll never find someone like me’ , the answer to that is ‘that’s the point’

100% True  ?  ?  ? 


   
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Can the Man
(@can-the-man)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 7172
Topic starter  

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. 

He decided to test it out at dinner one evening.

the father asks his son what he did that afternoon, the son replies “I just did some homework “ the robot slaps him. The son say “ok ok I was at my friends house watching a movie ‘ 

dad asks “ what movie were you watching?”, son replies “Finding Nemo”, the robot slaps him again, son says “ok, ok, we were watching porn”. 

Dad says, “what ! At your age I didn’t know what porn was”. The robot slaps the father. The mother laughs and says “Wow he certainly is your son”, 

The robot slaps the mother !

? ?  ?  ? 

C t M


   
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Can the Man
(@can-the-man)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 7172
Topic starter  

Two blondes fall down a hole.

wow it’s dark down here, isn’t it, said the first blonde.

i don’t know replied the other blonde, I can’t see.  ?  ?  ? 

 

C t M


   
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Stephen Underwood
(@caletafuerteventura)
Member Admin
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 10027
 

I thought I'd stay up all night to see the sunrise, then it dawned on me.......


   
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Can the Man
(@can-the-man)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 7172
Topic starter  

Someone stole my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about that. 

C t M


   
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Can the Man
(@can-the-man)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 7172
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My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am, luckily for him I was still up practicing my bagpipes 

C t M


   
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windermeregolfer
(@windermeregolfer)
Estimable Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 122
 

BEST QUOTE OF ANY ERA ! 

“The Budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced,   the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed, lest Rome will become bankrupt. People must again learn to work instead of living on public assistance." - Cicero, 55 BC 

So, evidently we've learned bugger all over the past 2,073  years.

John T - Dreaming of A Hole In One


   
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Can the Man
(@can-the-man)
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Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 7172
Topic starter  

Q. Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population?

A. Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.

C t M


   
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Can the Man
(@can-the-man)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 7172
Topic starter  

What did the grape ? say when it was being crushed in the winery ?

nothing, it just gave a little wine ????

C t M


   
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Can the Man
(@can-the-man)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 7172
Topic starter  

Marriage and Marijuana 

in Canada the government in its eternal wisdom recently passed two laws

1. Legalised gay marriage 

2. Legalised marijuana’s 

Legalizing gay marriage and marijuana at the same time now makes perfect Biblical sense.

Leviticus 20:13 says “If a man lies with another man they should be stoned.”

Apparently we just hadn’t interpreted it correctly before. 

????????

C t M


   
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